Inspiration

07

07

Given the revelations of the last week, I’m reconsidering the direction I need to take with all of this and what would best suit the kind of progress I’d like to make. I’m not convinced that daily check-ins revolving around my food intake and activity are the way to go… I think disconnecting would actually be best and instead taking the time to reconnect with myself and my priorities. That being said, I’ll be back but under a different format. To be continued…

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Inspiration

06

06

My practical brain likes putting labels on things. Some people can pick up a jar of unidentified spices, look at them, smell them, and intuitively use them but I’m not that person. I need a label and ideally, instructions. I’m working towards the second scenario but until I get there, I find comfort in labels. That’s why I was relieved this week when Silvia called me a yo-yo dieter – finally something I can work with! I knew I had some type of eating disorder but didn’t know which – I don’t starve myself or purge after eating and while it sometimes happens, I don’t frequently binge. I do however cycle between overeating and restricting myself as well as putting on and losing the same 10 lbs or so. Keto tricked me into believing I’d finally figured things out and had just been eating the wrong foods this whole time. If that were true it would have been a lot easier to remain consistent and I wouldn’t have burnt out. This new label comes with a much better understanding of where I am and what I need to heal and move forward.

Inspiration

03 – 04

03-04

The last 2 days were a mix of high and lows with the lows pertaining to my eating or more precisely the fact that I’ve been binging on anything and everything, past the point of any possible enjoyment. This kind of behaviour is nothing new for me but the frequency with which it’s been happening is unsettling. The more stuck I feel, the more undone I become. Is a reboot even a reboot when it’s the 3rd time you’re going at it within the span of a few days? In any case, i’m not ready to throw in the towel. What’s 4 days out of 100 anyway?

 

Inspiration

02

02

Survived both the weekend and Mother’s Day. Skipped the ice cream yesterday and had it today instead – 2 scoops and no regrets. The subject of a paleo diet came up to help manage AC’s allergies… I know it includes fruits but there’s no dairy or legumes which really sucks. When did everything get so complicated?! Anyway I’m getting my thyroid levels checked this week and depending how that turns out, I’ll adjust accordingly.

Inspiration

01

01

I went so far down the rabbit hole that putting sugar in my cappuccino feels like insta weight gain and eating every 2-3 hours makes me feel like all I’m doing is thinking about food and/or eating food. Portion control also makes me uncomfortable. It’s no wonder keto had so much appeal, I could eat as much as I wanted and I rarely felt hungry. It’s also no wonder I’ve been carrying an extra 40lbs or so for years.

Anyway, today was the Feria and we had a nice time plus a nice walk to and from. The cute single dad said hi, whatshisface postponed his pickup as usual and I didn’t feel any social anxiety sitting alone or making small talk so all is well with the world. We might go out for some ice cream this evening, I’ll try and get the kiddie serving.

Inspiration

Reboot

reboot

Last year I gave myself a fun 100 day challenge somewhere around this time (I think I’m early) as an exercise in finding my way after life kicked me in the ass. Although I’ve made a lot of progress, I’m not quite where I wanna be yet and after some recent wrong turns getting me further from my goals, I need a reset.

I was doing what I thought was keto but was probably more like paleo for a few months, going to bootcamp 2-3X a week and steadily losing weight even though I often indulged. I stalled after 20lbs though and under the influence of the friend who introduced me to keto, I started StrongLifts 5×5 in hopes to start losing again. I didn’t realize the importance of proper nutrition when lifting and how not eating carbs can ruin my thyroid which explains why now, 12 weeks later, I feel totally burnt out. Low energy, struggling during workouts and still stuck at the same weight. Actually, I keep losing and gaining the same 5lbs cause I’ll super restrict myself, lose and then binge, gain.

I had an amazing nutrition coach years ago with an approach I could really get behind (where it’s ok to have a pint here and some ice cream there) so I’m going back to her basics and enjoying all the food groups. All the food groups, intelligent eating, a cheat meal a week and moderate activity, tracked for the next 100 days.